So, stupidly early O’ clock, 7 am or something, I hear my mobile phone announce a new text message.
A finger poked through the gap between the quilt and mattress is hastily withdrawn and inspected for frostbite. In my sleepy head I realise there are miles of cold mattress to cover before I reach the edge of the bed and can get the phone.
Doing my best to keep the pocket of warm air trapped around me as I squirm forward, I accidentally let a foot slip outside the quilt. This draws an involuntary “Fuck!” from my lips.
The edge of the bed draws near and a psych myself up to plunge my arm down to the floor to collect the phone.
Back in the warmth of the bed I punch in the magic runes to wake the ‘phone from its slumber “C *”
The phone lights up.
“You have 1 new message”
The temperature outside is below freezing.
Bloody computers. They never tell you anything you didn’t already know.