I got up this morning a tad worse for wear from NY celebrations, had a cuppa and decided I’d best get to the shops to get some breakfast, etc. before they closed.
Promising myself a bath when I get back, I venture out. I’ve greasy, ratty hair, I’ve not shaved for a few days and I’m in crumpled clothes from yesterday. The trip to the shop is uneventful, on the way back the carrier bag breaks and I’m left to carry the contents by hand.
I’m dawdling along paying no attention to the world when a cars pulls up and the passenger beckons me over. They are lost, do I know where soandso road is? I pause to think for a sec then start to give directions (basically: go back that way *points* turn left onto main road, take your first right). Now after I’ve explained this several ways, they pull out a map and ask me to show them on that.
I point to where they are, and point to where they want to be – you can almost see the road they want from where they are, it isn’t at all hidden.
Them: ‘Ere sorry we don’t know how to read a map, can you show us again?
Me: Umm, sure. Here you are *points* that’s the main road up there *points to map and road* that’s where you want to be *points to map*
Them: ok, so we are ‘ere *points to wrong page of map* we wanna go there *points fuckknows where* Oh I fourt we was close, that looks miles…
Me: no, look forget the map, turn the car around, go to the end of this road, turn left, then take the next right. that’s the road you want. It’ll take you 60 sec to get there.
Them: ok, so …*repeats what I just said*
Me: Ok. That’s right. Bye.
I start to walk off and they wind up the window, I hear them talking in the car.
” I don’t fink ‘e had a clue. Bloody tramps”
I flash what passes for a smile back at them and they set off, I watch as they reach the end of the road and turn right
What a great start to the year; being called a tramp by someone that doesn’t know their left from their right…
The bath, cuppa and bacon roll made up for it when I got back home though.