I write to you in closest confidence.
This morning while leaving the house I made a most marvelous discovery. Upon setting foot outside my front door I was buffeted and pushed around by an invisible force. Now being a God-fearing man I at first assumed the rapture was upon us and the end times were drawing near, however, neither recitation of the Lord’s Prayer, nor offering up my soul to Beelzebub made any difference to my plight.
Like a man possessed I twisted and turned and thrashed around seeking to lessen the violence upon my person. By happenstance I was fortunate enough to fall over and I lay close to the ground by a low wall. Hailuih! All at once the pummeling of my body ceased.
By good fortune and grace I, while sheltered, was able to observe several other poor wretches caught up in the violent maelstrom. I was able to witness the effect I had so recently been subject to being played out on those in my vicinity, some of whom appeared to be suffering moreso than I.
With time, the effect died away and I was able to leave the rude shelter that had so perfectly shielded me from the havoc. The street was a scene of disarray, litter was scattered hither and thither with nary a care for good order or recycling. Of the poor wretches I had observed but was unable to assist, there was no sign.
It has taken me most of the morning and a good deal of opium laced brandy to calm my nerves and formulate a theory as to what happened.
I believe there was some kind of disturbance in the All-around null-state that Invades and peRmiates Earthly creation (AIR for short). I further believe this may be the first recorded account of such a disturbance. As such it falls to me to name this natural wonder.
After much consideration (and the aforementioned brandy) I propose the appellation “wind” for this phenomena. I will need to work on the theory of this “wind” somewhat further before going to the Royal Society with my discovery, but I will first send a communication to the Editor of the Times to claim the discovery for myself.
I trust this letter finds you well.
Recycled from a posting elsewhere earlier in the year