Category Archives: humour

Science Showoff

A month or two back, looking to publiscise the work I do, I got talking to the university PR people. It was suggested I email Steve Cross at Science Showoff and do a 9 minute stand-up science/comedy set for them.

I was skeptical to say the least; but noting ventured, nothing gained.

I prepared a bunch of slides and videos and didn’t rehearse them. I was still woring out what to say in my head as I was introduced. Oh, by the way, this is in front of a crowd of around 100 strangers, who had all paid for the privilege of seeing 10 of us try to be funny ( and scientific).

It went worryingly well. People laughed when they were supposed to. Everything worked.

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I even got a nice bunch of tweets and new followers afterwards.

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Now if I can just figure out how to make snails poo different colours I might have another bash at this.

Revenge

Fixing the archives has thrown up this post I drafted in 2006 and never got around to publishing. The dog and the old git are long since vanished – no idea whatever happened to them.

The 2006 post starts below this line.

Reminded of this by a post from Scaryduck today.

DTL vs the Fluff-Ball

The was and still is a misrable old bastard up the road from me. He walks a yapping bundle of fluff up the road twice per day, letting it shit where ever it wants. Complaints about this are shrugged of with

“its only a fuckin’ dog. I can’t stop it shittin’”

and several days of the dog ‘deciding’ to drop a load right outside your house.

It was after the poo stared to pile up on the pavement outside my house I decided to get revenge.

From the juices of the Sunday joint, I made up some of the tastiest gravy known to man or dog. Poured into a cup and left by the microwave ready for the evening dog walk.

Seven PM rolls by and the yapping gives away the approach of the dog. The microwave goes on to warm up the gravy and thirty seconds later I’m at the door, cup in hand. Waiting until the Miserable Bastard can see me, I pour the gravy over pile of shit remaining from the morning walk.

Fluff-ball scampers up seconds later and starts wolfing down the gravy covered shit in full view of Miserable Bastard. My job done, I head back inside to watch dog being dragged back home in disgust with the Miserable Bastard ranting and raving at the dog

“stupid fuggin dog”

and the world in general

“bastards!”

I’ve had no trouble with that dog shitting outside the house since.

The cackhanded scrawl of my eight year old self.

I dug out an old school book, from way back when I was 8-ish. Here’s a look at the random stuff I wrote about back then.

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I was an electronics geek even back then…

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And a consummate storyteller.

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I hadn’t quite grasped the finer points of evolution though.

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And while I now love spiders, I still can’t quite bring myself to look at a centipede without a shudder.

Tech support to random neighbours…

The door bell rang earlier – I answered it to one of the lesser seen neighbours carrying a laptop.

“Hello, I’m Brian from number 18, I wondered if you could do me a favour, Tony says you are good with computers.”

“Hello, Er, Ok. What’s the problem?”

Brian had been using someone else’s WiFi connection and now he couldn’t connect. He’d been told by someone else that the WiFi owner had probably changed the key and he needed to use WEPcrack to get the new key. He didn’t have a clue how to use it, could I help?

I suggested that maybe the key had been changed to keep him out?

“Nah, nah mate, he said I can use it.”

I take a look at the laptop screen and see that the SSID of the access point he is trying to crack is 8bob. This being my WiFi connection. I asked him how long it had been since he was unable to use the WiFi?

“About 3 weeks now”

“Yeah, that’s about right – that’s when I fixed it to stop others using it. Don’t think I can help you really. See you later.”

I upgraded from WEP to WPA about three weeks ago when I noticed the odd connection I couldn’t account for.

“Oh, um, right. oh. er. fookin’ hell. So you can’t help then?”

“No, not really. Can’t help you.”

I think he missed the bit where I said I’d changed it to stop it being used…

He left.

Play

Having just had to suffer several hours of commercial radio due to builders some distance away with a loud radio, I needed to hear some decent music again. So does Bill Hicks…

Bill Hicks at his most passionate – contains language

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